NY Chronicles: Every trip, a different duck

So Duck-O went to Bora, Little Army Duck went to Mt. Pulag and Geek Duck went to New York.

It made perfect sense. Little Army Duck had a teeny water bottle and enough army training to survive an insanely cold night in Pulag. Geek Duck has a pen and notebook tucked under her little rubber wings. The plan was for her to do what I was gonna do - go to New York and then write about it.

But Geek Duck was kind of a bitch. She didn't like the cold weather. And she refused to come out with me.

She didn't want to go for a walk. Unlike me, she doesn't have boots, she said. Webbed feet are sensitive, she said.



She didn't want to go to Norma's for breakfast. Not even when I tried to lure her with bacon. Bacon is evil, she said. But she's wrong. Because like babies, bacon is a gift from heaven. And unlike babies, bacon can be fried to crispy perfection.



And so I gave up. Screw the effing duck, I thought. Let her rot in the hotel room if she wants.

I didn't know that while I was changing into grandma's suit for the summit at the UN, the bitch jumped into my bag.



And I only realized it when she came quacking out of my bag while I sat in the United Nations' economic forum auditorium.



And she came for only one reason. Reese Witherspoon.



Geek Duck is a huge fan of Elle Woods. She thinks it was a huge injustice to the duck world when Elle was given a pet chihuahua and not a pet duck. Oh yeah, that's gonna happen. Elle Woods, duck and a lot of hoisin sauce.

Geek Duck stood at the summit, in awe of Reese's presence. She had visions of Reese seeing her and gushing, "Oh my god. I think we need to make another movie. About a duck. And Elle Woods."



But that didn't happen. Reese didn't even know there was a duck at the summit.

And in case the two photos aren't enough, here's one more of me, my grandma's suit and those effing shoulder pads.